Friday, October 21, 2011

Paranormal Activity 3: Movie Review

I'm writing this review, similarly to how I wrote the review for The Thing, as more a log of my reactions. If I could tweet from the theater without the rest of the audience wanting to kick my @$$, I would. My ADHD riddled mind works like Twitter anyway, so here are my thoughts about Paranormal Activity 3.

First I'm going to to do something new, and include my reactions to the previews.

Creepy clown dolls, me no likey. Is this a folk tale? It sounds familiar.
"The Woman in Black"
What is wrong with his thumbs? Nasty. Oh look another 60 year old actor with a 30 year old actress playing his wife. Dude is fighting wolves in the snow with broken bottles between his fingers.
"The Grey"
That was one of my favorite songs. Is this a Misfits ripoff?
Julian Sands! This looks pretty kickass. I really want to read the book, and see the original movie though.
"The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo"
I'll pass.
"Young Adults"
Another preview! I thought it was fall. Creepy exorcism movie. Don't go near that lady! Oh Snap!
"Devil Inside"

...and now our feature presentation SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT!

The Thing (2011): Movie Review

Instead of writing a straight review, I'm going to write my reactions as I was having them during the movie. You've probably read enough reviews with paragraphs of some film industry reject pontificating about the quality of the movie. I don't care about the quality, just about the reaction I have as a viewer. So without further ado:

BTW, Spoiler Alert Spoiler Alert and in case you missed it Spoiler Alert!

So the Thing looks like a giant roach lobster.
Oh look practical effects! Cool! Oh it's been overlaid with CGI.
Oh, no don't let Henrick be the first victim.
When is this a-hole going to tell the crew what she knows.
Adam "I don't know what I saw", is an idiot.
Evil Event Horizon Dr. Edward has got to be The Thing.
You just know when the helicopter dudes come back ish just ain't right.
Lars is my favorite character.
"What are you an asshole?"
Paranoia, paranoia. Is Lars dead?
The Thing WILL snatch a hole in your chest, it WILL climb on you and meld with your face.
The Thing WILL cut the power to the outpost.
If you cut a tentacle arm spider in half, it WILL reassemble itself.
Did you see that lighting trick? Shout out to John Carpenter.
The Thing now looks like a double dangly head giant roach lobster.
A woman saved a man. That's what's up!
Parts of the spaceship looks like Tron, with Tetris in the middle and titanium mini blinds in the roof.
At this point my husband said, "It has gone right to stupidville".
Is it a coincidence that The Thing's face looks like a certain part of the female anatomy?
Why would you bring just one grenade?
....and boom goes the dynamite!
The dog? Wait , that's no dog.
.....and now we know know why they were shooting at the dog at the beginning of John Carenter's The Thing.

This was a fun ride for me. JC's The Thing has a special place in my heart. The effects in that film still have yet to be topped even here.

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Sunday, October 2, 2011

Curse of the Queerwolf: Rewind Review

I remember renting this movie at the now closed Video Magic (Although some people used to call it Magic  Video. The sign said Video Magic), back when they had the rent 5 movies, for 5 days, for 5 dollars. The caveat being that they could not be new releases. As a matter a fact I believe the movies were still on VHS. I love a good B-movie, although I've been known to watch the bad ones too. Anyway I was 14 years old when I rented this and all I could remember before tonight, was that I liked it.

Fast forward to today, 20-some years later. I finally got a chance to watch this again. It was hard to find, because it's not on Netflix, no DVD retailer has it, and it's not uploaded on youtube. I found that Amazon is selling the new DVD for $32.99! O_o Wow!

Let's get to the movie. I was apprehensive going into this, because I am a much more enlightened person now than I was at 14. I am firmly against homophobia, and I was afraid that maybe the movie could be seen as homophobic. I think that my fears were unfounded because the movie is a parody that lampoons homophobia and turns the concept of the "all American macho man" on it's ear (or rear as it were). Movies like "Black Dynamite" and "Don't Be A Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice In the Hood" lampoon stereotypes about black people and exploitation films that are stereotypical, by making the stereotypes themselves the joke. I feel that this movie is doing the same thing with a different subject.

After re-watching this movie as an adult, I have upgraded my memory of liking this movie to LOVING this movie. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. I think as an adult I "got" more of the jokes. It also helped that now I am viewing it having seen the movies that it referenced. It is amazing that for a movie that has such low production value (seriously they must have used someone's lunch money for their f/x budget, and what kind of camera did they use? I have family home videos with higher quality.), it had really good pacing (They must have spent 99% of their budget on editing.), and the actors were great. [According to IMDb the budget was $10,000.] I do not know if this was entirely scripted or if a lot of the scenes were improvised, but this movie made me laugh out loud.

This movie is 23 years old so I don't think I have to, but just in case: SPOILER ALERT!