Wednesday, December 21, 2011

American Horror Story Season Finale

When I first wrote about American Horror Story, I was not as enthusiastic as I am now. I got hooked around episode 6 and now I am a fan. I hope that the opening sequence becomes as popular and famous as the X-Files and Tales From the Darkside openings. I like the story structure that they use, in which they give the viewer more and more details about the house with each episode. I love the web interactivity that they created with their Family Portrait site that introduces the characters and gives clues about their story, their You're going to die in there site that let's you walk through the home in different time periods and learn more about what happened there, and the Google+ American Horror Story page in where people can discuss the show. So I was all geared up for the season finale.


I decided to just write my thoughts and reactions as I was watching, so here they are:

Why is this in soft focus?
Oh it's ghost family time.
That is a hell of a ambush! I expected something to happen but I didn't expect Ben to get hanged, by Hayden, Patrick and who was the third person? Was it one of the cult girls who broke in the house wanting to recreate the murders?

I like this new family. Love the "Can you believe this b!t¢h?" look they shared when the realtor made that racist comment.
Gabriel just had to skateboard in the house. The twins are already effing with him.
Oh Constance, you really make this show!
Violet likes Gabe, and Tate saw them talking so he's getting all psycho.
The new couple just happens to want a baby now too?
If the ghosts in the house keep killing people in the house, won't it get wicked crowded in there eventually?

Hayden's reaction to getting her throat slashed, "Oh $h!t" was too funny.
Violet is pulling a Tate by showing up in Gabe's room uninvited.
The husband is sleep walking. Is it time to play with fire again? Rubberman! Is that Ben?
Gabe and Tate are....are talking? Struggling, and Violet saves Gabe from Tate. Yay Violet!
Oh Crap! (Jumps in seat, at the sight of Larry's wife still simmering, no literally you can see steam rising of her.) So that's who's making people burn their hands.

All the ghosts are on the loose. Where is the Infantata? Doesn't he get to come out and play?
This is kind of like Beetlejuice in that the ghosts are trying to get the living to leave the house, even though they have different motivations.
[ETA: upon second viewing I notice that Vivian disemboweled Ben. I didn't even notice that the 1st time. Am I that desensitized to gore? Yes, yes I am.]
That family got out of dodge fast.
They just showed the preview for "Devil Inside", and it's still freaky no matter how many times I see it.

At this rate, that house is going to be worth $100.00 US (which makes it worth even less since the exchange rate is kicking the dollar's @$$).
"In 1994 I set my step-dad on fire, I murdered 15 students at Westfield High, I killed the gay couple that lived here before you, and I raped your wife. I also stole the Lindbergh baby, shot JFK, Tupac and Biggie and co-piloted one of the planes that flew into the Twin Towers." -Tate (OK he only said the the first sentence.)

So, did they just forget about the other baby? Where did they get a Christmas tree?
Constance, that is definitely a grandmother's hairstyle. Well, lacefront wig really, but still. (Jessica Lange needs several awards for this monologue in the mirror. So far she is nominated for a Golden Globe.) I just realized that the baby boy she is going on about may be the antichrist.
Wow her fridge is 60 years old!
Look Gramma I killed the nanny! Tate 2.0? Nope, Micheal is the antichrist. He's definitely got a Damien thing going on.

That was a fun ride, but they still left so many questions unanswered. I have a feeling that this is the type of show that gets ridiculously good in season two, because season one took it's time to lay the groundwork and develop the characters so that you actually care what happens to them.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

The Human Centipede 2 Full Sequence: Movie Review

I saw the original The Human Centipede and found it mildly enjoyable, mostly because of Deiter Laser's (best name ever for an actor) portrayal of Dr. Heiter. How fitting that the evil doctor's name sounds like "hater" in English! With that said, The Human Centipede is the type of movie you watch once just to say you've seen it, like Salo. The Human Centipede 2 is an exercise in movie masochism.

There were so many times that I wanted to fast forward through this movie. It was trying to build tension, but instead it built boredom. It started out halfway promising with a look into the twisted mind of the main character Martin and his obsession with the movie The Human Centipede. Director Tom Six did everything in his power to make Martin the most repulsive, repugnant, revolting (whatever other words that start with RE that allude to what a disgusting person he is)  human being on film. You could almost smell Martin. Thank goodness this was not filmed in smellovision.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Frankenhooker: Rewind Review

Let's just start with the name of this one. As a fourteen year-old with a newly minted affinity for B-movies, when I walked by this at the local mom and pop video store I had to rent it. Back then it was on VHS, and this was pre IMBd and Rotten Tomatoes scores, so one would go on the strength of the cover art and description on the back. Plus this wasn't a new release, so it was only $1 to rent anyway. (Take that Red Box!)

Basket Case: Rewind Review

 Midnight Movie Mayhem!

If you are new to my Rewind Reviews, they are just my responses to rewatching movies that I watched as a kid. Today I'm going to talk about a (writer/director) Frank Henenlotter classic, Basket Case. Henenlotter is also known for Brain Damage (1988) and Frankenhooker (1990). I've seen those as well. I saw Frankenhooker as a kid, and just saw Brain Damage a few months ago as an adult. But this review will focus solely on Basket Case.

When I first got into B-movies I was in middle school and watched the edited for TV versions of them on USA "Up All Night". Luckily for me they left a surprising amount of gore in there for TV (well basic cable). I think this is a great way for pre-teens and early teens to be introduced to horror. I wasn't introduced to it that way. I saw "Alien" (1979) at the drive-in in my footie pajamas and watched  John Carpenter's "The Thing"(1982) at the movies too when I was in 1st grade. When my uncle took us to see E.T. (1982), I spent half the movie watching thru my fingers waiting for E.T. to kill Elliot. My young mind had learned from "Alien" and "The Thing" that that's what aliens do, right? But for kids who haven't been practically birthed into horror this is a great introduction to it until they build a tolerance for the scarier fare.

Friday, November 11, 2011

American Horror Story: Review (So Far)

When I saw the trailer for American Horror Story a month ago it looked interesting, but since I haven't watched F/X since season 2 of Nip/Tuck I set my DVR to record it. Since then I sort of forgot about it until recently and I finally found some time today to watch the first 5 episodes.

My first reaction was excitement because there hasn't been a good supernatural weekly show on basic cable for years. I said good supernatural weekly show. Let's go through a list, so you know where I'm coming from.

Supernatural - Boring. I couldn't make it through a whole episode.
Vampire Diaries - I can't get with it. It's like the TV version of Twilight.
Teen Wolf - I'd like to pretend this never happened. (See also the above)
Being Human (U.S. version) - No Bueno. The vampire guy's face hurts my TV screen.
Fringe - It will never be The X Files. NEVER.

This is not to say that there are no good supernatural shows. There were a few that I have enjoyed for example:

Being Human (British version): This one wasn't great, but it is better than the U.S. version with the exception that I like the American actress who plays the ghost girl better that the British actress.

True Blood - I like it for lines like "I am so over Sookie and her precious fairy vagina and her unbelievably stupid name. F**k Sookie!" I even forgive them for that season with the Maenad that I didn't care about. Plus I've read the first four books, and book Sookie is so much more kick ass than TV Sookie. They have damn near Bella Swaned her something fierce.

Misfits - (Not sure if this should count since it doesn't even come on TV in the U.S.) Let me say this I would much prefer they give us a Channel 4 America instead of the BBC America station, because all BBC America plays is Top Gear 10 hours of the day and Dr. Who for another 10, then sprinkle in Ramsey's "yelling at people who cook" (I don't know the real name, but that's what it should be called), add a dash of Star Trek Next Gen, and finish it off with a few episodes of Being Human every now and again. If we had Channel 4 America I could have watched Misfits, Shameless, and I'm pretty sure Skins was on channel 4 as well. For the record, I'm still not sold on this new guy on Misfits, he's no Robert Sheehan.

Friday, October 21, 2011

Paranormal Activity 3: Movie Review

I'm writing this review, similarly to how I wrote the review for The Thing, as more a log of my reactions. If I could tweet from the theater without the rest of the audience wanting to kick my @$$, I would. My ADHD riddled mind works like Twitter anyway, so here are my thoughts about Paranormal Activity 3.

First I'm going to to do something new, and include my reactions to the previews.

Creepy clown dolls, me no likey. Is this a folk tale? It sounds familiar.
"The Woman in Black"
What is wrong with his thumbs? Nasty. Oh look another 60 year old actor with a 30 year old actress playing his wife. Dude is fighting wolves in the snow with broken bottles between his fingers.
"The Grey"
That was one of my favorite songs. Is this a Misfits ripoff?
Julian Sands! This looks pretty kickass. I really want to read the book, and see the original movie though.
"The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo"
I'll pass.
"Young Adults"
Another preview! I thought it was fall. Creepy exorcism movie. Don't go near that lady! Oh Snap!
"Devil Inside"

...and now our feature presentation SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT!

The Thing (2011): Movie Review

Instead of writing a straight review, I'm going to write my reactions as I was having them during the movie. You've probably read enough reviews with paragraphs of some film industry reject pontificating about the quality of the movie. I don't care about the quality, just about the reaction I have as a viewer. So without further ado:

BTW, Spoiler Alert Spoiler Alert and in case you missed it Spoiler Alert!

So the Thing looks like a giant roach lobster.
Oh look practical effects! Cool! Oh it's been overlaid with CGI.
Oh, no don't let Henrick be the first victim.
When is this a-hole going to tell the crew what she knows.
Adam "I don't know what I saw", is an idiot.
Evil Event Horizon Dr. Edward has got to be The Thing.
You just know when the helicopter dudes come back ish just ain't right.
Lars is my favorite character.
"What are you an asshole?"
Paranoia, paranoia. Is Lars dead?
The Thing WILL snatch a hole in your chest, it WILL climb on you and meld with your face.
The Thing WILL cut the power to the outpost.
If you cut a tentacle arm spider in half, it WILL reassemble itself.
Did you see that lighting trick? Shout out to John Carpenter.
The Thing now looks like a double dangly head giant roach lobster.
A woman saved a man. That's what's up!
Parts of the spaceship looks like Tron, with Tetris in the middle and titanium mini blinds in the roof.
At this point my husband said, "It has gone right to stupidville".
Is it a coincidence that The Thing's face looks like a certain part of the female anatomy?
Why would you bring just one grenade?
....and boom goes the dynamite!
The dog? Wait , that's no dog.
.....and now we know know why they were shooting at the dog at the beginning of John Carenter's The Thing.

This was a fun ride for me. JC's The Thing has a special place in my heart. The effects in that film still have yet to be topped even here.

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Sunday, October 2, 2011

Curse of the Queerwolf: Rewind Review

I remember renting this movie at the now closed Video Magic (Although some people used to call it Magic  Video. The sign said Video Magic), back when they had the rent 5 movies, for 5 days, for 5 dollars. The caveat being that they could not be new releases. As a matter a fact I believe the movies were still on VHS. I love a good B-movie, although I've been known to watch the bad ones too. Anyway I was 14 years old when I rented this and all I could remember before tonight, was that I liked it.

Fast forward to today, 20-some years later. I finally got a chance to watch this again. It was hard to find, because it's not on Netflix, no DVD retailer has it, and it's not uploaded on youtube. I found that Amazon is selling the new DVD for $32.99! O_o Wow!

Let's get to the movie. I was apprehensive going into this, because I am a much more enlightened person now than I was at 14. I am firmly against homophobia, and I was afraid that maybe the movie could be seen as homophobic. I think that my fears were unfounded because the movie is a parody that lampoons homophobia and turns the concept of the "all American macho man" on it's ear (or rear as it were). Movies like "Black Dynamite" and "Don't Be A Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice In the Hood" lampoon stereotypes about black people and exploitation films that are stereotypical, by making the stereotypes themselves the joke. I feel that this movie is doing the same thing with a different subject.

After re-watching this movie as an adult, I have upgraded my memory of liking this movie to LOVING this movie. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. I think as an adult I "got" more of the jokes. It also helped that now I am viewing it having seen the movies that it referenced. It is amazing that for a movie that has such low production value (seriously they must have used someone's lunch money for their f/x budget, and what kind of camera did they use? I have family home videos with higher quality.), it had really good pacing (They must have spent 99% of their budget on editing.), and the actors were great. [According to IMDb the budget was $10,000.] I do not know if this was entirely scripted or if a lot of the scenes were improvised, but this movie made me laugh out loud.

This movie is 23 years old so I don't think I have to, but just in case: SPOILER ALERT! 

Friday, September 30, 2011

She's Back!

Hello all! How do you like the new look? You can change the views yourself to suit your tastes right there in the top left hand corner. Tell me what you think of it.  I already decided that although it was pretty it didn't work well. All that glitters isn't gold. In other news, my favorite month is coming up, and I feel like having a writing spree. But, first I want to thank my readers. I am always pleasantly surprised by how many people have read my little blog, in so many countries! Another great thing is how awesome the people are who have left comments on here. They are always thought provoking, intelligent and articulate.

Next have to fill you in on why the blog has not been as active. I am completing a degree (Graduating in November. Holla!), and have been finishing final projects so I just didn't get out to the movies much.

Friday, July 29, 2011

Unrated Ultra Violent Disturbing & Gory

If I see any of these words used in the description of movies I take it as a personal challenge. I grew up watching violent action movies, Kung Fu, and especially Horror. The horror love is basically genetic. My Grandmother used to pay a nickel to see double features of Dracula, Frankenstein, The Mummy and the Wolfman. The 1930's-40's versions with Bela Lugosi and Lon Chaney. My mother grew up watching the Hammer versions with movies starring Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing, and even got to see the original Night of the Living Dead when it came to the Drive-In. One of my earliest memories is watching John Carpenter's The Thing in my footie pajamas just barely in kindergarten.

The funny thing is that even as a little kid I wasn't too freaked out by the gore. As a matter of fact I loved it. By the time I eleven I used to get Fangoria and Gorezone magazines to read about the horror movies and I put up poster in my room with all the best gore pics, and horror icons. Melting faces, dripping blood, the gorier the better. As the years pass I find myself looking for gorier and more extreme cinema. Since American cinema has largely gone with CGI, a method that in my opinion doesn't capture the organic feeling necessary to truly convey the beauty that is gore, I've turned to watching a lot of foreign films. I still love practical effects!

There are two types of extreme when it comes to my viewing taste. There is extreme gore, like Tokyo Gore Police or Riki-Oh. Then there is just plain DIS-TUR-BING, like Antichrist or what I hear about Irreversible and Serbian Film; which is light on gore but usually the content matter is enough to make one squirm. See there? The fact that something can make me squirm is proof that I am not totally desensitized. I wrote about the 25 weirdest movies I've watched before.

The most important thing is that I know that movies are NOT reality, which is why I can watch the melting man from Robocop get hit by a car over and over and laugh my head off, but have to cover my eyes when exposed to skateboarding ownage videos (Youtube videos of people getting massively injured while attempting skateboarding tricks). Ghost, possession, and anything to do with demons in movies kind of freaks me out too, but I'll still watch!

I decided to add a great scene from Riki-Oh. Enjoy!

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Top 10 Tuesday: Popular Movies I Don't Care To See

10. Ocean's Eleven
I heard that this has an all star cast and its so good......but it just doesn't look interesting to me. I don't mind heist movies. I liked Snatch and Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. Maybe someday I'll catch it on cable.

9. Sleepless in Seattle
Yeah, this is just not my type os movie and I don't really like Billy Crystal or Meg Ryan. So there is that two. I probably will never watch this.

8. Pretty Woman
I will never get the Julia Roberts thing. I don't get the Sandra Bulluck or Reese Witherspoon thing either. They all look funny to me, but Hollywood keeps trying to convince me that they are beautiful and engaging. I find them common looking and boring. They will never be glamorous like Audrey Hepburn or Dorothy Dandridge.

7. Titanic
Yawn. I saw the boat crashing scene on Youtube, and that's all that interested me.

6. The Toy Story movies
Just not interested. I think I like snarky humor in my animated movies like Shrek and Despicable Me.  These look too sappy.

5. The Twilight Movies
Vampires do not sparkle, end of story.

4. Harry Potter
I have tried. Honest to goodness I have tried to watch these but I can't make it beyond 15 minutes. The closest I came was in a home theater room at Best Buy. I saw part of a Harry Potter movie, in which he was on a playground and he was sort of being bullied and then a storm came and I lost interest at that point. The picture was super clear on the HD screen that I viewed it on though.

3. Pirates of the Caribbean
I love Johnny Depp and I just haven't gotten into these. I really don't know why.

2. V for Vendetta
I have watched the beginning of this twice. I get as far as Natalie Portman being tortured, and then I realize that there must be something better on.

1. Avatar
I just don't know why. I really don't.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

10 Movies That I'd Like to Watch Again, As An Adult

Writing about remakes the other day got me thinking about movies that I saw growing up. Many of them I didn't have a full understanding of what was happening in them. The examples I gave in that blog post were Dune and The Black Hole, but there are other movies that I only vaguely remember and would love to see again as an adult.

I grew up during a time period where VHS tapes, and Premium Cable Movie Channels were new. A time when parents would take their children to see midnight showings of R-rated movies and just tell them to cover their eyes during the racy scenes. We all just peeked through our fingers, and then promptly fell asleep 15-20 minutes into the movie anyway.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Woman Cries After Seeing Insidious

This is what happens when people grow up thinking "Final Destination" & "I know What You Did Last Summer" are horror movies, think that vampires sparkle and go to high school even when they are over 300 years old (Can you say statutory rapist?), and get over exposed to watered down remakes (I'm looking at you Nightmare on Lame, ugh I mean Elm Street remake.)There are a bunch of reaction videos on Youtube starring people between the ages of 14 and 22 (I'm guessing based on appearance.) all saying that this was the scariest movie they ever saw. Maybe it is, or maybe they were tricked by the PG-13 rating into thinking that it wouldn't be that scary.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things: Little Girl Plays With Dead Squirrel

This video has me asking so many questions. 1. Why is she outside in her drawers? 2. Why are her parents letting her play with a dead animal? 3. The dad's reaction is to grab a video camera and tell her to wave to family? 4. Doesn't she remind you of Tiny Toon Elmyra, "I'm going to hug you and love you and squeeze you forever!" (I just realized today, with the help of Wikipedia that Elmyra has the skull of a small animal in her bow. Fitting.)

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Top 10: Fun Friday Night Fright Horror Movies

Last night Chiller played “Return of the Living Dead”, again! I’m not mad at them, because no matter how many times I see this movie, it never gets old. It’s fun horror. Fun Horror is a term I use to describe horror movies that aren’t particularly scary, but still enjoyable to watch. I’m talking about the kind of movies that are OK to watch alone, but really fun to watch with other people.  Some of these movies were not critical successes, and some weren’t even commercially successful, but still have a following. They usually are replayed on cable stations like AMC, TNT, Syfy, or Chiller.

Whenever these movies come on, people tweet like crazy! Twitter is like never being alone, so it’s kind of like watching a movie with the closest friends you’ve never met. I devised this list using the totally scientific method of level of mentions on twitter.

10. The People Under the Stairs
This is the most underrated Wes Craven movie. The writing is like a modern day fairy tale and the dialog is clever. I like the make-up on the boys in the basement.

9. Jeepers Creepers
According to IMDb the creature is named the Creeper, but everyone on Twitter affectionately calls him the Jeeper Creeper.

Scream 4: Movie Review

I put off writing this review, because I really have mixed feelings about the movie. It is really a weird feeling to not know whether you liked a movie or not. I know, you’re thinking, “How can you not know whether you liked the movie or not?” Well, as I thought about the movie just after watching it, I thought about the scenes that I liked, that made me laugh or made me jump, but I didn’t have the feeling of satisfaction that an enjoyable movie gives you.
Spoiler Alert!     Read at your own risk!      Spoiler Alert!      Read at your own risk!

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Sucker Punch - Movie Review

I have read a few reviews panning this movie. They say it's a geek's dream and it's like a comic book, and an anime, and a video game, and a music video. So? What's wrong with that? I like comic books, anime, scifi, fantasy, video games, and music videos. Plus, I think a little kung fu makes everything better. You know what else? I'm a woman. This movie may not be for you, but it is definitely for girls and women like me. We're the type that would rather watch Kung Fu action movies like Chocolate (about an autistic girl, whose savant ability is to mimic any style of martial arts she sees) online than pay one red cent to see some Rom-com garbage. We are the the fan girls who wish there was a Blade IV coming out instead of more sparkle vamp bull$h!t. Do you see the correlation there? Kung Fu Vamp = Awesome :: Sparkle Vamp = Bull$h!t

   I saw this movie in IMAX and it was gorgeous. The digital effects were excellent. They were so well done, as I watched it I forgot that some of what I was watching was CG. The fight choreography was good, not the best but respectable, especially when you consider the level of difficulty involved in choreographing a fight scene between a live person and a CG character. I imagine in some scenes they created a CG Babydoll similar to the CG Neo used in certain parts of Matrix Revolutions. The background scenery, from a design standpoint was breathtaking. I really give the utmost respect to the visual artists who worked on this movie. I loved that there were Robot Samurai, a Robot Zombie Army, dragons, a badass Gundam like power suit, and a speeding train with fighting androids in it. I like the characters: Babydoll, SweetPea, Rocket, Blondie (I love the irony of this name!), and Amber. (See that makers of Insidious? Memorable names!)

Friday, March 25, 2011

Insidious: Movie Review

The trailer for Insidious had me hooked. I wasn't bothered that it was rated PG-13, because although rare there are some Horror movies that succeeded with that rating. The Ring (2002), The Sixth Sense (1999), and one of my favorites Poltergeist (1982) and actually rated PG are among the best! As a matter of fact, I'm still trying to figure out why Paranormal Activity was rated R, other than just to evade the stigma of being PG-13, though enjoyable enough, there was nothing worthy of an R rating in the movie.

That said, Insidious succeeds in being fun, scary, and getting the audience to scream. The influence of the team behind Paranormal Activity is heavily present along with the tense atmosphere that James Wan is known for. It includes some light comedic moments at just the right times to break the tension. There are parts of Insidious that pay homage to The Shining, and (bordering on straight-up remake/re-imaginning) Poltergeist. One criticism I have is that I can't remember any of the characters names. All the greats have you remembering the main characters names. Even though I can't remember the names, I still had fun.
(Read the spoiler filled part after the jump!)