Monday, April 11, 2016

Martyrs (2008) | Martyrs (2015) | Horror Movie Review (Rant)

As the 2015 remake starts I notice that it's by Blumhouse and so I know it's going to not just be low budget, but straight up cheap.

Then when the movie opens with the little girl running, it's just as I predicted all the impact of that little girl running has been removed. That stunning image has been ruined! This is what the girl in the opening scene of the 2008 version:
Opening scene of girl running in Martyrs (2008)
Opening scene from Martyrs (2008)
They took the compelling image you see here and reduced it to this:

Opening scene from Martyrs (2015)

Opening scene from Martyrs (2015)

I hate the sepia filter. It looks like a Chiller original movie, which is already a few steps lower than a Syfy Channel original movie. The nearly bald girl running in dirty tattered undershirt and panties was striking. Now she looks like Laura Ingalls' little sister with a black eye.

Little House on the Prairie girl running down the hill gif

They condensed Lucy and Anna's back story even though about the same amount of time passed. The short sequence in the 2008 version told so much in such a short time. 

They replaced the suspense and terror that was La Créature basically to a screamer. Really?

Martyrs 2015 still of la creature
This is like the Goosebumps version of Martyrs
I also thought it was bogus that they switched the roles of the parents. In the original the mother was working on the plumbing and the father was making breakfast for the kids. Of course not in the USA. We can't even have commercials for cleaning products feature men. 

They add a whole lot of shaky cam bullshit and there is NO bathroom scene! I had to stop the movie and show my husband how the original family scene and bathroom scenes went. 

This is like the cliff notes version of Martyrs.

This is like the Goosebumps version of Martyrs.

This is like a Martyrs movie made by Lifetime.

They punked out on the girl in the basement. I mean really, really punked out. How does this character...

Girl with metal face mask on from Martyrs 2008
This woman is emaciated, deranged, cut tf up and has a metal mask bolted onto her face.
 ...become a little girl named Samantha?

Little girl in the basement in Martyrs 2015
This girl looks like she missed lunch and got tripped during a rough game of tag during recess.

This is so f*¢ked!  Why would you do this?

Lucy doesn't die in the house.

There is no hair cutting

No pee hole chair

No force fed puke soup  (IDK if it's vomit, but it looks like vomit)

and CGI fire. CGI mfkn fire.

In the original Lucy ran out of ammo. However this is 'Murika! We don't run out of ammo.

Ana is shot in the shoulder, stabbed in the spleen and still keeps going. She's Rambo and she's going to save Lucy. This movie should have been named something else and just said, inspired by Martyrs not based on. 

Also [SPOILER ALERT!] Don't scroll down unless you want to know how the movie ends. 

Ana and Lucy don't die until the end.

Here's another cool comparison blog post that I found while looking for images for my post.

Also, my shirt is by Berkana Haus

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