The Human Centipede 2 Full Sequence: Movie Review

I saw the original The Human Centipede and found it mildly enjoyable, mostly because of Deiter Laser's (best name ever for an actor) portrayal of Dr. Heiter. How fitting that the evil doctor's name sounds like "hater" in English! With that said, The Human Centipede is the type of movie you watch once just to say you've seen it, like Salo. The Human Centipede 2 is an exercise in movie masochism.

There were so many times that I wanted to fast forward through this movie. It was trying to build tension, but instead it built boredom. It started out halfway promising with a look into the twisted mind of the main character Martin and his obsession with the movie The Human Centipede. Director Tom Six did everything in his power to make Martin the most repulsive, repugnant, revolting (whatever other words that start with RE that allude to what a disgusting person he is)  human being on film. You could almost smell Martin. Thank goodness this was not filmed in smellovision.

Frankenhooker: Rewind Review

Let's just start with the name of this one. As a fourteen year-old with a newly minted affinity for B-movies, when I walked by this at the local mom and pop video store I had to rent it. Back then it was on VHS, and this was pre IMBd and Rotten Tomatoes scores, so one would go on the strength of the cover art and description on the back. Plus this wasn't a new release, so it was only $1 to rent anyway. (Take that Red Box!)

Basket Case: Rewind Review

 Midnight Movie Mayhem!

If you are new to my Rewind Reviews, they are just my responses to rewatching movies that I watched as a kid. Today I'm going to talk about a (writer/director) Frank Henenlotter classic, Basket Case. Henenlotter is also known for Brain Damage (1988) and Frankenhooker (1990). I've seen those as well. I saw Frankenhooker as a kid, and just saw Brain Damage a few months ago as an adult. But this review will focus solely on Basket Case.

When I first got into B-movies I was in middle school and watched the edited for TV versions of them on USA "Up All Night". Luckily for me they left a surprising amount of gore in there for TV (well basic cable). I think this is a great way for pre-teens and early teens to be introduced to horror. I wasn't introduced to it that way. I saw "Alien" (1979) at the drive-in in my footie pajamas and watched  John Carpenter's "The Thing"(1982) at the movies too when I was in 1st grade. When my uncle took us to see E.T. (1982), I spent half the movie watching thru my fingers waiting for E.T. to kill Elliot. My young mind had learned from "Alien" and "The Thing" that that's what aliens do, right? But for kids who haven't been practically birthed into horror this is a great introduction to it until they build a tolerance for the scarier fare.

American Horror Story: Review (So Far)

When I saw the trailer for American Horror Story a month ago it looked interesting, but since I haven't watched F/X since season 2 of Nip/Tuck I set my DVR to record it. Since then I sort of forgot about it until recently and I finally found some time today to watch the first 5 episodes.

My first reaction was excitement because there hasn't been a good supernatural weekly show on basic cable for years. I said good supernatural weekly show. Let's go through a list, so you know where I'm coming from.

Supernatural - Boring. I couldn't make it through a whole episode.
Vampire Diaries - I can't get with it. It's like the TV version of Twilight.
Teen Wolf - I'd like to pretend this never happened. (See also the above)
Being Human (U.S. version) - No Bueno. The vampire guy's face hurts my TV screen.
Fringe - It will never be The X Files. NEVER.

This is not to say that there are no good supernatural shows. There were a few that I have enjoyed for example:

Being Human (British version): This one wasn't great, but it is better than the U.S. version with the exception that I like the American actress who plays the ghost girl better that the British actress.

True Blood - I like it for lines like "I am so over Sookie and her precious fairy vagina and her unbelievably stupid name. F**k Sookie!" I even forgive them for that season with the Maenad that I didn't care about. Plus I've read the first four books, and book Sookie is so much more kick ass than TV Sookie. They have damn near Bella Swaned her something fierce.


Misfits - (Not sure if this should count since it doesn't even come on TV in the U.S.) Let me say this I would much prefer they give us a Channel 4 America instead of the BBC America station, because all BBC America plays is Top Gear 10 hours of the day and Dr. Who for another 10, then sprinkle in Ramsey's "yelling at people who cook" (I don't know the real name, but that's what it should be called), add a dash of Star Trek Next Gen, and finish it off with a few episodes of Being Human every now and again. If we had Channel 4 America I could have watched Misfits, Shameless, and I'm pretty sure Skins was on channel 4 as well. For the record, I'm still not sold on this new guy on Misfits, he's no Robert Sheehan.

Paranormal Activity 3: Movie Review

I'm writing this review, similarly to how I wrote the review for The Thing, as more a log of my reactions. If I could tweet from the theater without the rest of the audience wanting to kick my @$$, I would. My ADHD riddled mind works like Twitter anyway, so here are my thoughts about Paranormal Activity 3.

First I'm going to to do something new, and include my reactions to the previews.

Creepy clown dolls, me no likey. Is this a folk tale? It sounds familiar.
"The Woman in Black"
What is wrong with his thumbs? Nasty. Oh look another 60 year old actor with a 30 year old actress playing his wife. Dude is fighting wolves in the snow with broken bottles between his fingers.
"The Grey"
That was one of my favorite songs. Is this a Misfits ripoff?
"Chronicles"
Julian Sands! This looks pretty kickass. I really want to read the book, and see the original movie though.
"The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo"
I'll pass.
"Young Adults"
Another preview! I thought it was fall. Creepy exorcism movie. Don't go near that lady! Oh Snap!
"Devil Inside"

...and now our feature presentation SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT!

The Thing (2011): Movie Review

Instead of writing a straight review, I'm going to write my reactions as I was having them during the movie. You've probably read enough reviews with paragraphs of some film industry reject pontificating about the quality of the movie. I don't care about the quality, just about the reaction I have as a viewer. So without further ado:

BTW, Spoiler Alert Spoiler Alert and in case you missed it Spoiler Alert!

So the Thing looks like a giant roach lobster.
Oh look practical effects! Cool! Oh it's been overlaid with CGI.
Oh, no don't let Henrick be the first victim.
When is this a-hole going to tell the crew what she knows.
Adam "I don't know what I saw", is an idiot.
Evil Event Horizon Dr. Edward has got to be The Thing.
You just know when the helicopter dudes come back ish just ain't right.
Lars is my favorite character.
"What are you an asshole?"
Paranoia, paranoia. Is Lars dead?
The Thing WILL snatch a hole in your chest, it WILL climb on you and meld with your face.
The Thing WILL cut the power to the outpost.
If you cut a tentacle arm spider in half, it WILL reassemble itself.
Did you see that lighting trick? Shout out to John Carpenter.
The Thing now looks like a double dangly head giant roach lobster.
A woman saved a man. That's what's up!
Parts of the spaceship looks like Tron, with Tetris in the middle and titanium mini blinds in the roof.
At this point my husband said, "It has gone right to stupidville".
Is it a coincidence that The Thing's face looks like a certain part of the female anatomy?
Why would you bring just one grenade?
....and boom goes the dynamite!
Lars!
The dog? Wait , that's no dog.
.....and now we know know why they were shooting at the dog at the beginning of John Carenter's The Thing.

This was a fun ride for me. JC's The Thing has a special place in my heart. The effects in that film still have yet to be topped even here.

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Curse of the Queerwolf: Rewind Review

I remember renting this movie at the now closed Video Magic (Although some people used to call it Magic  Video. The sign said Video Magic), back when they had the rent 5 movies, for 5 days, for 5 dollars. The caveat being that they could not be new releases. As a matter a fact I believe the movies were still on VHS. I love a good B-movie, although I've been known to watch the bad ones too. Anyway I was 14 years old when I rented this and all I could remember before tonight, was that I liked it.

Fast forward to today, 20-some years later. I finally got a chance to watch this again. It was hard to find, because it's not on Netflix, no DVD retailer has it, and it's not uploaded on youtube. I found that Amazon is selling the new DVD for $32.99! O_o Wow!

Let's get to the movie. I was apprehensive going into this, because I am a much more enlightened person now than I was at 14. I am firmly against homophobia, and I was afraid that maybe the movie could be seen as homophobic. I think that my fears were unfounded because the movie is a parody that lampoons homophobia and turns the concept of the "all American macho man" on it's ear (or rear as it were). Movies like "Black Dynamite" and "Don't Be A Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice In the Hood" lampoon stereotypes about black people and exploitation films that are stereotypical, by making the stereotypes themselves the joke. I feel that this movie is doing the same thing with a different subject.

After re-watching this movie as an adult, I have upgraded my memory of liking this movie to LOVING this movie. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. I think as an adult I "got" more of the jokes. It also helped that now I am viewing it having seen the movies that it referenced. It is amazing that for a movie that has such low production value (seriously they must have used someone's lunch money for their f/x budget, and what kind of camera did they use? I have family home videos with higher quality.), it had really good pacing (They must have spent 99% of their budget on editing.), and the actors were great. [According to IMDb the budget was $10,000.] I do not know if this was entirely scripted or if a lot of the scenes were improvised, but this movie made me laugh out loud.

This movie is 23 years old so I don't think I have to, but just in case: SPOILER ALERT! 

She's Back!

Hello all! How do you like the new look? You can change the views yourself to suit your tastes right there in the top left hand corner. Tell me what you think of it.  I already decided that although it was pretty it didn't work well. All that glitters isn't gold. In other news, my favorite month is coming up, and I feel like having a writing spree. But, first I want to thank my readers. I am always pleasantly surprised by how many people have read my little blog, in so many countries! Another great thing is how awesome the people are who have left comments on here. They are always thought provoking, intelligent and articulate.

Next have to fill you in on why the blog has not been as active. I am completing a degree (Graduating in November. Holla!), and have been finishing final projects so I just didn't get out to the movies much.

Unrated Ultra Violent Disturbing & Gory

If I see any of these words used in the description of movies I take it as a personal challenge. I grew up watching violent action movies, Kung Fu, and especially Horror. The horror love is basically genetic. My Grandmother used to pay a nickel to see double features of Dracula, Frankenstein, The Mummy and the Wolfman. The 1930's-40's versions with Bela Lugosi and Lon Chaney. My mother grew up watching the Hammer versions with movies starring Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing, and even got to see the original Night of the Living Dead when it came to the Drive-In. One of my earliest memories is watching John Carpenter's The Thing in my footie pajamas just barely in kindergarten.

The funny thing is that even as a little kid I wasn't too freaked out by the gore. As a matter of fact I loved it. By the time I eleven I used to get Fangoria and Gorezone magazines to read about the horror movies and I put up poster in my room with all the best gore pics, and horror icons. Melting faces, dripping blood, the gorier the better. As the years pass I find myself looking for gorier and more extreme cinema. Since American cinema has largely gone with CGI, a method that in my opinion doesn't capture the organic feeling necessary to truly convey the beauty that is gore, I've turned to watching a lot of foreign films. I still love practical effects!

There are two types of extreme when it comes to my viewing taste. There is extreme gore, like Tokyo Gore Police or Riki-Oh. Then there is just plain DIS-TUR-BING, like Antichrist or what I hear about Irreversible and Serbian Film; which is light on gore but usually the content matter is enough to make one squirm. See there? The fact that something can make me squirm is proof that I am not totally desensitized. I wrote about the 25 weirdest movies I've watched before.

The most important thing is that I know that movies are NOT reality, which is why I can watch the melting man from Robocop get hit by a car over and over and laugh my head off, but have to cover my eyes when exposed to skateboarding ownage videos (Youtube videos of people getting massively injured while attempting skateboarding tricks). Ghost, possession, and anything to do with demons in movies kind of freaks me out too, but I'll still watch!

I decided to add a great scene from Riki-Oh. Enjoy!

Top 10 Tuesday: Popular Movies I Don't Care To See

10. Ocean's Eleven
I heard that this has an all star cast and its so good......but it just doesn't look interesting to me. I don't mind heist movies. I liked Snatch and Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. Maybe someday I'll catch it on cable.

9. Sleepless in Seattle
Yeah, this is just not my type os movie and I don't really like Billy Crystal or Meg Ryan. So there is that two. I probably will never watch this.

8. Pretty Woman
I will never get the Julia Roberts thing. I don't get the Sandra Bulluck or Reese Witherspoon thing either. They all look funny to me, but Hollywood keeps trying to convince me that they are beautiful and engaging. I find them common looking and boring. They will never be glamorous like Audrey Hepburn or Dorothy Dandridge.

7. Titanic
Yawn. I saw the boat crashing scene on Youtube, and that's all that interested me.

6. The Toy Story movies
Just not interested. I think I like snarky humor in my animated movies like Shrek and Despicable Me.  These look too sappy.

5. The Twilight Movies
Vampires do not sparkle, end of story.

4. Harry Potter
I have tried. Honest to goodness I have tried to watch these but I can't make it beyond 15 minutes. The closest I came was in a home theater room at Best Buy. I saw part of a Harry Potter movie, in which he was on a playground and he was sort of being bullied and then a storm came and I lost interest at that point. The picture was super clear on the HD screen that I viewed it on though.

3. Pirates of the Caribbean

I love Johnny Depp and I just haven't gotten into these. I really don't know why.

2. V for Vendetta
I have watched the beginning of this twice. I get as far as Natalie Portman being tortured, and then I realize that there must be something better on.

1. Avatar
I just don't know why. I really don't.