Question. Does this:
Look ANYTHING like this?
Okay, I'll give you another try.
Does this:
Look anything like this?
I didn't think so. I'm not against remakes. I liked the 1988 remake of 1958 movie The Blob, The U.S. version of The Ring, the Friday the 13th remake and I'm sure there are others. I just want it be be clear that I am not a remake snob by any means, but lately I feel like my childhood memories are under attack. I am part of Generation X, born in the 70's, child of the 80's, coming of age from teen to adult in the 90's.
It is not even so much that they are remaking so many movies from the 70's/80's, because it's pretty standard for Hollywood to remake movies about every 20-30 years. It is that the remakes are a total bastardization of the originals. Let's take Teen Wolf for example; he enjoyed being a wolf once he found out it made him popular and possibly a better basketball player. In this MTV crap he is so angsty and horrified at his predicament. Cue Twilight ripoff star crossed romance bull$h!t. In the original he was not bitten in the forest, but inherited lycanthropy from his dad. He didn't change until he fully hit puberty. The movie itself could be considered an allegory for changing during puberty and learning to deal with those changes.
On to the next one. I am so done with this Fright Night remake. The whole tone of the movie has been changed. No more Peter Vincent, because remember some people in the younger generation don't know about anything that happened before they were born so how could new Charlie view a TV star from 30 years ago as a hero? In the original, Peter Vincent was a past his prime star that Charlie watched on TV. I have written before about how us GenXers grew up watching 30 year old shows in syndication, so that set up worked for original Charlie.
New Charlie has a friend, but he is nothing like Evil. Evil was such a great character and they replaced him with McLovin? GTFOH! It's just disrespectful to call this a remake. Just call it a different name, like they did with Freaky Friday and Like Father, Like Son. They were both movies about body switching, but Like Father, Like Son had enough sense to know that it was ripping off Freaky Friday, but not faithfully enough to be an actual remake.
Let's take a look at some more movies from my childhood that have been or are to be remade soon, and my 2¢ about them. This is not a complete list, there are more remakes than I'd ever want to blog about, so I narrowed it down to movies that hold a special piece of nostalgia in my heart.
I am a little apprehensive since Hollywood has already spread its cheeks and crapped out Miami Vice (2006), A-Team (2010), Arthur (2011), A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010), and Clash of the Titans (2010). Although I will say that The Karate Kid (2010) was still decent, even though I was luke warm about the Mr. Han character, despite my love for Jackie Chan.
Footloose (Oct. 14th 2011)
This was one of the first movies I saw on VHS. My Uncle had a brand new VCR back in 1985 and the first three movies he had were Footloose, Deliverance, and First Blood. I remember rewinding and watching the final dance sequence over and over just to see that one break dancing dude. I just feel like the remake will be more like Step Up.
The Thing (Oct. 14th 2011)
This movie started my hobby as a junior gore hound. I started reading Fangoria and Gorezone, back when they had pull out posters that drove my mother crazy. This scene alone made me consider a career in practical effects.
Commando (2011)
Arnold Scharzenegger carrying a freaking tree! That's all there is to say, except maybe that there is also that scene where the Porsche gets dented and then not dented. The only way I will accept this is if it is starring Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.
Conan (2011)
The jury is still out until I watch this. I'll give it a shot, because the original was not the best movie in the world. The one problem they will have is in finding someone as kick ass as Grace Jones.
Death Wish (2011)
I only halfway remember this movie, except that a very young Jeff Goldblum played a street punk in it. What I remember most is going to the drive-in with my parents to see some guy named Charles Bronson who was always out for revenge in about 8 or 9 movies. (ETA: Correction. I must have seen this at a second run drive-in theater because it appears that this was released before I was born.)
Overboard (Date N/A)
It is rumored that Jennifer Lopez is going to play the Goldie Hawn character, and that Will Smith is producing. This one may be 50/50. It's hard to tell, but I'll give it a shot.
Porky's (Date N/A)
There isn't much information about this, but I highly doubt that there will be as much male frontal nudity as in the original. Me and my high school friends used to try to pause the video at just the right parts. We also did this with a certain scene in The Terminator. Oh, but girls don't do such things! Whoever told you that was lying!
Short Circuit (2011)
I never really liked this movie anyway, so they can do what they want with it as long as they make a remix of "Who's Johnny". I used to dance (Who am I kidding, I STILL dance around my house to banging music.) around my room with my first boombox to this, Jermaine Stewart's "We Don't Have to Take Our Clothes Off", Madonna's "La Isla Bonita", and Wham's "Wake Me Up Before You Go Go". What? Didn't you?
The Blob (2011) 1958 1988
I liked the 1988 version, but honestly how many remakes of this movie do we need?
The Black Hole (2012)
The funny thing about this one is that many people took their small children to see it, because it was made by Disney. However I think the movie was too heavy for preschoolers such as myself. I had no idea what the hell was going on in this movie. I probably should try to watch this as adult, but to be honest it looks kind of boring. Maybe the remake will be more engaging.
Child's Play (2013)
There is a special place in my heart for this movie and part of that is because there are things that are so bad that they're good. I fear they will take the campiness out of the movie and try to make it too serious like they did with the new Nightmare on Elm Street.
The Crow (2013)
I am superstitious about this movie and I think that those who mess with it may be in for some cosmic trouble. It's weird, but I really feel that way.
Pet Sematary (2013)
They can have at it. I read this book in 7th grade and I thought the movie didn't live up to it. Steven King has a hit and miss history of not seeing to it that his books are represented well on screen. I mean you good adaptations like The Shining and Carrie, and then you have not so good one's like Thinner and The Langoliers. The Pet Sematary movie left out whole characters, like Judd's wife! It did scare the crap out of me with Rachel's sister Zelda's scene. Still creepy! [Trivia, did you know that Zelda was played by a man?]
Poltergeist (2013)
No, just no. Don't mess with a classic. Did they learn nothing from the remake of Psycho? It was done shot for shot and still could not measure up to the original. Plus who will play Carol Ann? Dakota Fanning is too old, and so is Abigail Breslin. Those are the only two child actresses right?
Robocop (2013)
I am so torn on this one. Robocop is one of my all time favorite movies. Last year I went to a sold out screening of it, so I'm not alone on this. However, Darren Aronofksy is set to direct and he has seen success with "Requiem for a Dream", "The Wrestler" and "Black Swan". I know that he will keep it gritty, but will be keep that dark humor it had as well? Who could forget the "Don't touch me man!" scene, and seeing a dude get splattered like a melon.
Creature from the Black Lagoon (2013) 1954
The summer between 6th grade and 7th grade HBO played this in 3-D and you could get the 3-D glasses at Cumberland Farms (it's like 7Eleven or Circle K). We rode our bikes to the Cumberland Farms to get the glasses and had a ball. This remake should be interesting, only if The Asylum produces it; without the campy cheesiness, it just wouldn't be as good.
Dune (2014)
See "The Black Hole" except replace preschool with elementary. I thought my parents were taking us to the movies to see The Terminator, and instead they brought us to see Dune. My mother had read the book, but again this was a little too deep for an 8-year-old. I need to watch this one as an adult as well; especially since it's directed by David Lynch. I do remember Sting yelling, "I will kill him!" I also remember the flying fat man with the bad skin.
An American Werewolf in London (2014)
This right here is just wrong. I still have not forgiven them for that American Werewolf in Paris crapgasm. GCI werewolves cannot compare to what Rick Baker did in the transformation scene. You could feel his soul as an artist in this scene. The only way I will respect this is if they return to practical F/X.
The Neverending Story (2014)
Blasphemy! Let's agree to pretend that this remake does not exist and not see it in the theaters at all and maybe they won't get it into their head to screw with Labyrinth, because I know that's next on the list if this is successful. I simply cannot deal with anyone remaking Labyrinth, because there is only one David Bowie. Let's just sing this together.
Because I'm in a generous mood. Please do enjoy also:
If they touch this, I'll have to cut someone.
Look ANYTHING like this?
Okay, I'll give you another try.
Does this:
Look anything like this?
I didn't think so. I'm not against remakes. I liked the 1988 remake of 1958 movie The Blob, The U.S. version of The Ring, the Friday the 13th remake and I'm sure there are others. I just want it be be clear that I am not a remake snob by any means, but lately I feel like my childhood memories are under attack. I am part of Generation X, born in the 70's, child of the 80's, coming of age from teen to adult in the 90's.
It is not even so much that they are remaking so many movies from the 70's/80's, because it's pretty standard for Hollywood to remake movies about every 20-30 years. It is that the remakes are a total bastardization of the originals. Let's take Teen Wolf for example; he enjoyed being a wolf once he found out it made him popular and possibly a better basketball player. In this MTV crap he is so angsty and horrified at his predicament. Cue Twilight ripoff star crossed romance bull$h!t. In the original he was not bitten in the forest, but inherited lycanthropy from his dad. He didn't change until he fully hit puberty. The movie itself could be considered an allegory for changing during puberty and learning to deal with those changes.
On to the next one. I am so done with this Fright Night remake. The whole tone of the movie has been changed. No more Peter Vincent, because remember some people in the younger generation don't know about anything that happened before they were born so how could new Charlie view a TV star from 30 years ago as a hero? In the original, Peter Vincent was a past his prime star that Charlie watched on TV. I have written before about how us GenXers grew up watching 30 year old shows in syndication, so that set up worked for original Charlie.
New Charlie has a friend, but he is nothing like Evil. Evil was such a great character and they replaced him with McLovin? GTFOH! It's just disrespectful to call this a remake. Just call it a different name, like they did with Freaky Friday and Like Father, Like Son. They were both movies about body switching, but Like Father, Like Son had enough sense to know that it was ripping off Freaky Friday, but not faithfully enough to be an actual remake.
Let's take a look at some more movies from my childhood that have been or are to be remade soon, and my 2¢ about them. This is not a complete list, there are more remakes than I'd ever want to blog about, so I narrowed it down to movies that hold a special piece of nostalgia in my heart.
I am a little apprehensive since Hollywood has already spread its cheeks and crapped out Miami Vice (2006), A-Team (2010), Arthur (2011), A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010), and Clash of the Titans (2010). Although I will say that The Karate Kid (2010) was still decent, even though I was luke warm about the Mr. Han character, despite my love for Jackie Chan.
Footloose (Oct. 14th 2011)
This was one of the first movies I saw on VHS. My Uncle had a brand new VCR back in 1985 and the first three movies he had were Footloose, Deliverance, and First Blood. I remember rewinding and watching the final dance sequence over and over just to see that one break dancing dude. I just feel like the remake will be more like Step Up.
The Thing (Oct. 14th 2011)
This movie started my hobby as a junior gore hound. I started reading Fangoria and Gorezone, back when they had pull out posters that drove my mother crazy. This scene alone made me consider a career in practical effects.
Commando (2011)
Arnold Scharzenegger carrying a freaking tree! That's all there is to say, except maybe that there is also that scene where the Porsche gets dented and then not dented. The only way I will accept this is if it is starring Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.
Conan (2011)
The jury is still out until I watch this. I'll give it a shot, because the original was not the best movie in the world. The one problem they will have is in finding someone as kick ass as Grace Jones.
Death Wish (2011)
I only halfway remember this movie, except that a very young Jeff Goldblum played a street punk in it. What I remember most is going to the drive-in with my parents to see some guy named Charles Bronson who was always out for revenge in about 8 or 9 movies. (ETA: Correction. I must have seen this at a second run drive-in theater because it appears that this was released before I was born.)
Overboard (Date N/A)
It is rumored that Jennifer Lopez is going to play the Goldie Hawn character, and that Will Smith is producing. This one may be 50/50. It's hard to tell, but I'll give it a shot.
Porky's (Date N/A)
There isn't much information about this, but I highly doubt that there will be as much male frontal nudity as in the original. Me and my high school friends used to try to pause the video at just the right parts. We also did this with a certain scene in The Terminator. Oh, but girls don't do such things! Whoever told you that was lying!
Short Circuit (2011)
I never really liked this movie anyway, so they can do what they want with it as long as they make a remix of "Who's Johnny". I used to dance (Who am I kidding, I STILL dance around my house to banging music.) around my room with my first boombox to this, Jermaine Stewart's "We Don't Have to Take Our Clothes Off", Madonna's "La Isla Bonita", and Wham's "Wake Me Up Before You Go Go". What? Didn't you?
The Blob (2011) 1958 1988
I liked the 1988 version, but honestly how many remakes of this movie do we need?
The Black Hole (2012)
The funny thing about this one is that many people took their small children to see it, because it was made by Disney. However I think the movie was too heavy for preschoolers such as myself. I had no idea what the hell was going on in this movie. I probably should try to watch this as adult, but to be honest it looks kind of boring. Maybe the remake will be more engaging.
Child's Play (2013)
There is a special place in my heart for this movie and part of that is because there are things that are so bad that they're good. I fear they will take the campiness out of the movie and try to make it too serious like they did with the new Nightmare on Elm Street.
The Crow (2013)
I am superstitious about this movie and I think that those who mess with it may be in for some cosmic trouble. It's weird, but I really feel that way.
Pet Sematary (2013)
They can have at it. I read this book in 7th grade and I thought the movie didn't live up to it. Steven King has a hit and miss history of not seeing to it that his books are represented well on screen. I mean you good adaptations like The Shining and Carrie, and then you have not so good one's like Thinner and The Langoliers. The Pet Sematary movie left out whole characters, like Judd's wife! It did scare the crap out of me with Rachel's sister Zelda's scene. Still creepy! [Trivia, did you know that Zelda was played by a man?]
Poltergeist (2013)
No, just no. Don't mess with a classic. Did they learn nothing from the remake of Psycho? It was done shot for shot and still could not measure up to the original. Plus who will play Carol Ann? Dakota Fanning is too old, and so is Abigail Breslin. Those are the only two child actresses right?
Robocop (2013)
I am so torn on this one. Robocop is one of my all time favorite movies. Last year I went to a sold out screening of it, so I'm not alone on this. However, Darren Aronofksy is set to direct and he has seen success with "Requiem for a Dream", "The Wrestler" and "Black Swan". I know that he will keep it gritty, but will be keep that dark humor it had as well? Who could forget the "Don't touch me man!" scene, and seeing a dude get splattered like a melon.
Creature from the Black Lagoon (2013) 1954
The summer between 6th grade and 7th grade HBO played this in 3-D and you could get the 3-D glasses at Cumberland Farms (it's like 7Eleven or Circle K). We rode our bikes to the Cumberland Farms to get the glasses and had a ball. This remake should be interesting, only if The Asylum produces it; without the campy cheesiness, it just wouldn't be as good.
Dune (2014)
See "The Black Hole" except replace preschool with elementary. I thought my parents were taking us to the movies to see The Terminator, and instead they brought us to see Dune. My mother had read the book, but again this was a little too deep for an 8-year-old. I need to watch this one as an adult as well; especially since it's directed by David Lynch. I do remember Sting yelling, "I will kill him!" I also remember the flying fat man with the bad skin.
An American Werewolf in London (2014)
This right here is just wrong. I still have not forgiven them for that American Werewolf in Paris crapgasm. GCI werewolves cannot compare to what Rick Baker did in the transformation scene. You could feel his soul as an artist in this scene. The only way I will respect this is if they return to practical F/X.
The Neverending Story (2014)
Blasphemy! Let's agree to pretend that this remake does not exist and not see it in the theaters at all and maybe they won't get it into their head to screw with Labyrinth, because I know that's next on the list if this is successful. I simply cannot deal with anyone remaking Labyrinth, because there is only one David Bowie. Let's just sing this together.
Because I'm in a generous mood. Please do enjoy also:
If they touch this, I'll have to cut someone.
One thing I will say bout the "Teen Wolf" and the "Fright Night" remake is at least they are trying a new approach to the story. Both movies were essentially(sorry for bad spelling)
ReplyDeletecomedies with horror elements to it. Especially the orginal "Teen Wolf" Im glad they are taking a more seious approach to it instead of making another comedy.
Remakes can be good if they expand on the orginal and make it there own. Tha's why the remakes of :"Dawn of THe Dead" and "Let the Right One In" were so good.
Good points. I must agree that I enjoyed both versions of Let the Right On In, because they chose to focus on different elements of the book. Both were very true to the source material. I also agree that the Dawn of the Dead remake was good.
ReplyDeleteI guess I am biased because I hate the very idea of Twilight and they have made the new Teen Wolf look like another Twilight type movie, just like Beastly and Little Red Riding Hood.
This Fright Night is so different from the original it is going into Rob Zombie's Halloween territory. If you're going to completely eliminate the best characters then just name it The Vampire Next Door.
I agree some of this is just wrong. Also, what made Fright Night and Teen Wolf great was unique character creation. If the remakes try to make the characters like every other teen dramedy then they will FAIL.
ReplyDeletedamn straight! I heard they were going to remake "Footloose" and I was like "can't you leave perfection alone?" Seriously, nobody will ever be able to play Ren McCormack like Kevin Bacon did. I had no idea that they planned to remake "Overboard" (don't fu@k with Goldie and Kurt!!!), Poltergeist (seems very disrespectful to the cast who have passed away), and The Crow (I refuse to watch the sequels. Brandon Lee is the only man who could play that part and he lost his life doing so. don't mess with it, and don't mess with him. He was amazing). Now I'm planning on watching "Let Me In" because me and Peter watched "Let the right one In" on Netflix (try watching a Swedish film with only half the subtitles showing. LOL) and even though we couldn't understand half of what was said, the movie was terrific and I couldn't stop watching it. will be interesting to see how the remake turns out.
ReplyDeleteIn the book "Let The Right One In", one of the main characters is a detective. In the Swedish version they don't include him as a main character. In the American version they do include him, but eliminate the Oskar's father. The American version also goes a little deeper into the kind of abuse and bullying that Owen (in the U.S. version his name is Owen) deals with at school.
ReplyDelete[BOOK SPOILER ALERT! BOOK SPOILER ALERT! BOOK SPOILER ALERT!]
In the book Oskar is supposed to be a bit chubby, that's why the kids were calling him piggy. In both movies the actors are slim, so it doesn't make sense when the kids do this. Also both movies shied away from out and out telling you that when Eli says, "I'm not a girl", that he means that he is not human, but also NOT a girl. The book tells the story of how he was castrated. In the Swedish film they give a 2 second glimpse of the castration scar when Oskar is peeking at Eli. The US version doesn't even suggest this, leading the audience to think that Eli is a girl.
Of course it may upset delicate American sensibilities to see two boys cuddling in bed together, even if it is in a non-sexual way.
I make an exception for one sequel: Ghostbusters III ^_^
ReplyDeleteActually, as far as the Neverending story goes, the original movie took a wonderful book and BUTCHERED it. the ending SUCKS it's just the typical american happy ending that has nothing to do with the whole MEANING of the book. Plus the movie covers maybe half of the book. I watched the movie in the theater when I was 8 and stood up yelling "that's not how the story goes!" biggest disappointment of my life. So I do hope they remake it, I hope this time they stick to the book and that people like you might learn what a wonderful story it truly is.
ReplyDelete